The Weight of a Hypersexualized Past: How Society’s Judgment Pushes Women to the Edge
How societal expectations and online harassment trap women in their history, impacting their mental health and self-worth.
Trigger Warning: This article contains mention of self-harm, drug abuse, and suicide
Based on a true story
I was on Snapchat, flipping through one of my favorite people’s posts and she was participating in the infamous NGL anonymous question game. She hadn’t done it in a while because, typically, when she does the questions are rude or overly sexual. She has been trying to escape her hyper-sexual past as a model and briefly as an OF creator. She had said multiple times throughout the past years how doing those things always made her uncomfortable and had affected her mental health which is why she was fighting so hard to step away from that persona. However, people did not care. They wanted to continue to sexualize her despite her content and actions showing that she was no longer that person. At one point, when she reinforced that she did not want to be sexualized, she received a message from a “friend” telling her that being sexualized isn’t always a bad thing.
I could tell by her tone replying to questions about her bust size and if she “ever had a threesome” that she was frustrated, irritated and she eventually cut her the segment short. She questioned the men as to why they insist on asking these questions anonymously and would they ask or treat their daughters this way? Of course crickets. It saddened me because when I discovered her it was in the early 2000s through her blogspot blog. She had always been an amazing writer but soon after leaving college she decided to begin modeling while still writing but not as often ; and soon not at all. In an attempt to revive her writing career she started posting links to her work on her social media, which got little to no attention from her followers, but when she would post a throwback modeling video or a basic selfie it would get plenty of traction.
You see this often with female celebrities with super sexual pasts. People just do not want to let go of who they used to be and won’t take anything else they do seriously unless they’re showing skin. They want you to shake your ass, show your boobs, and “bust it open” despite saying multiple times that this is something you have moved on from. An explicit past is something that is hard to shake.
Also, what people don’t get is how upholding this person’s past affects their friendships, relationships and mental health. Nobody wants the “whore” so they stay single because the only men who want them only want them for 1 night. Nobody wants to be friends with the “whore” because they don’t want to be associated. “Birds of a feather flock together” as they often say and who wants to flock with an alleged harlot? That loneliness of no friends and no one who wants to be seen with, let alone be with them because of a past they’ve been trying to escape for almost a decade can take a toll on people physically and mentally and I’ve seen her go downhill because of it. She’s had multiple self attempts in her life, has struggled with alcoholism, drug addiction and even sometimes giving in to the oversexualization that people continue to push on her.
An explicit past is something that is hard to shake.
The crazy thing is these men would never say these things to their daughters, sisters or mothers, but this girl isn’t any of them. She is a random person on the internet not worthy of their respect so they think it’s ok to do and say these things to her without a second thought. It’s a sad realization for a sick world.
This is the problem with men, people in general really, and their access to social media and the internet. You can say anything behind a screen but will never say anything to their face and some people create burner accounts or participate in apps like NGL because they don’t even have the balls to say it personally behind the screen, because they know they’re wrong.
The girl at the focus of this article has been the victim of assault all because men felt they were allowed to do so because of how she may have been dressed and how her body was shaped. What makes it worse is that there are typically no allies for these women because other women side with the men and agree that she should be treated that way for the same reasons. That audacity is the reason so many young women are terrified. Consent is nonexistent for them because men(and women) just don’t give a fuck.
A couple of days ago this girl decided to try NGL again, threatening that she will give the “same energy” as the anonymous question askers since they wanted to be disrespectful. She ended up getting the same hypersexualized questions. Over a screenshot of the questions asked she began to write a long post airing out her grievances over 5 slides. She talked about how she didn’t feel loved, respected, or valued and that she was tired of being treated the same despite making an effort and actually changing her ways. She exposed that she had been dealing with depression and didn’t have anyone to turn to and she just wanted to have some “fun” answering innocent questions trying to lift her spirits. She admitted that it was a horrible idea and that she should have never reuploaded that app knowing the possible outcome. She apologized and told her audience that they “wouldn’t have to worry about me anymore”.
Her next post was of a gun laying on her bed with a caption of only a peace emoji. That was the last I’ve heard from her.
If you or anyone you know are suffering with thoughts of self harm please reach out to the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing 988.
If you enjoyed this article and want to read the “good shit,” make sure you subscribe to my Substack. I send out a newsletter every Wednesday, and I yap in the Notes daily. When I launch my podcast, it will be over there too. It’s a fun time over there!
If you want to find me outside of writing check out my website it will tell you everything you need to know.
Bye!
